Intimacy & Solitude

In my life it seems that intimacy and solitude have been two very distinct states of being IN the world. Poles apart for me, as in times of solitude i have been totally alone often living in remote locations, and in times of intimacy, living almost 24/7 with my partner. These separate experiences bring different insights.

We all need to be by ourselves from time to time to simply catch up with our self without having to relate to someone else, the other self in a partnership. So many people especially with families don't have any time by themselves and i think that is a pity because solitude brings many unresolved relationship matters into clarity. Solitude allows intimacy with oneself. When you cease having to relate through your personality, your persona (latin : mask) which we use constantly with others, you can be just you. Have you ever met just YOU? it can be a liberating discovery. When you do there is a possibility that you can realise that your inner happiness doesn't absolutely depend on another, that other being in your life. No matter how much you love them, and they love you. This experience brings an independence back into the relationship. It can end co dependancy. When two people are doing this it strengthens the bond you do have with your partner. It adds another dimension to intimacy because you create SPACE to grow and expand. So now you don't get bored with your partner.

What is really wonderful to feel with another person is HARMONY. That effortless flow of being in step with each other, of being aligned in mind, body & spirit, of being totally relaxed in each others presence without having to project your shadow side onto them. The intimacy that comes with this is simply profound. There is a chance that Love with a big L can radiate and enlighten you both. There is a possibility of really relating, of being open, of trusting and not just hiding inside a relationship. On balance finding true harmony with another for me is preferable to absolute solitude. But if i can't find that with another i am happy to remain alone.

I admit being alone, without becoming lonely is a challenge, particularly when you miss someone. But we all should realise the difference between alone & lonely. If we did i think we would be a healthier species for it. Because being alone begins with finding inner contentment. Till then you will be lonely. Contentment is so lacking in this world. It is the heart seed of peace. Being ALONE has the possibility once you go deeper into that contentment & peace of being an AL-ONE experience. All One with everything. No separation. Imagine being in a relationship where you already felt totally complete.

I think if you can be happily by yourself in solitude, there is a real chance of deep intimacy with another. But marry your self first, then you will never be lonely even when intimacy with someone else ends.

The pic. Figurative Sculptures have always conveyed a sense of solitude to me, but often of the contented peaceful kind as they often seem happy to be where they are. This figure is a welcome recent addition to the Peace Garden.